Title: Kids Will Challenge You
Category: Positive Parenting
Derrick walks into the office and immediately slaps my foot which is
resting comfortably on my knee. His
mother says "Stop Derrick". Without
hesitation, he immediately slaps it again, this time much harder. She puts her head down in embarrassment but doesn't stop him
or say anything more. While we
begin to talk about his allergies and apparent hyperactivity, he runs to the
next room and begins yanking hard on the Venetian blind cord. He pulls it up and down, opening and closing the blind which
we can easily hear. His mom
continues to hold her head down low while the nurse walks into the next room and
retrieves him. Why is Derrick out
of control? Why is he constantly
testing his mother's limits? I
believe he is testing her limits because that is a natural thing that all
children do. I believe he is out of
control, however, because she has never set any clear limits and enforced them.
Since he was a toddler, he has pretty much gotten away with anything he
wanted and he ignored his mom's half-hearted scolding.
Should she set clearer limits and enforce them with appropriate
disciplinary measures? I believe
she absolutely should and must if she wants a healthy and secure child.
What type discipline methods work best? I
believe "time- outs", loss of privileges, walking out of an office or
store with the child and having a discussion with them when they are grabbing
things off shelves or obviously showing disrespect to the environment they are
in, is appropriate. When all
reasonable methods have been tried and a particularly willful child pushes you
even further beyond the limit, I think (as it says in Proverbs) it is OK to
place an appropriate swat on the buttocks.
This, however, is usually not as effective as the non-physical methods of
discipline and I would reserve it for a last resort.
Kids need limits for security and simply to learn the everyday rules of
our society. If they don't learn
reasonable limits of behavior and self-control at a young age they will be
shunned by friends and teachers when they get to school.
This will lead to a spiral of social failure, frustration, defeatism and
a very poor self-esteem. Considering
all these negative consequences, it certainly behooves parents to discipline,
which means to teach their children from infancy on.
Emphasize consistency and fairness and be very clear about what limits
you are setting. If you say you are
going to do something, you had better do it.
All parents love their children and want them to be happy and successful. Certainly one key ingredient to their child's success is learning respect for authority, good manners and appropriate self-control. Help to build this in your child no matter how tough and discouraging it may seem at times. Remember to try the non-physical methods first and only resort to spankings as a last resort. If you are having lots of trouble with discipline with your child, discuss this with your pediatrician who can give you many helpful tips. I recommend staying on your knees, as all parents need to do, and ask for God's help as well. There are numerous good books on discipline, including DARE TO DISCIPLINE, by Dr. James Dobson and the Bible is certainly loaded with lots of encouraging and wise verses to help us in our parenting chores.