Title: Does Birth Order Make a Difference In Our Children?
Category: Positive Parenting
In reading Kevin Leman's book,
THE BIRTH ORDER, a few times I am convinced that birth order does have a
remarkable affect on personality. It
affects the way our children act and think, their relationships with their
peers, and with their future bosses, their choices of friends, and even the type
mate they will chose.
Typically a first born child gets a large amount of attention. They are usually quick to crawl and walk for their parents
and are anxious to do everything well. The
parents frequently over- parent, over-restrict, and over-protect these first
borns. Because of this the first
born will usually be an over-achiever, easy to discipline and a perfectionist.
The parents notice everything that first child does; their first word,
their first two words put together, their first step, etc.
They will have piles of family photo albums of that child.
Then along comes the second born. Suddenly
all the excess attention ends and the first born must adjust to having another
child in the home to share Mom and Dad's attention. The second born doesn't have to perform up to the standards
of the first born and usually doesn't. The
parents are not as anxious to say "My child walked at age such and such or
talked at age such and such." So
the second born grows up under a lot less pressure.
They usually have less picture albums.
They decide right off that they don't want to compete with their
"over-achiever" first born sibling who is perfect at everything. They are usually not into over-achieving and are less likely
to seek a perfectionist professional career such as engineering, accounting, or
architecture as the first born. They
are usually very social and get along well with others.
They usually have lots of friends. They
are frequently mediators, particularly if they are sandwiched in between a first
born and a third born. Second borns
can certainly be outstanding and they frequently are, but usually in different
areas than their first born sibling.
Third borns are frequently "the baby" and get lots of
attention. They tend to be spoiled.
They are usually engaging, precocious, and persuasive. They are very hard to say no to and make very good salesmen.
They know how to use social skills to their advantage.
What can parents do to help each of these unique children who are
different because of their birth order? Remember
that each birth order has it's weaknesses and strengths.
Since first borns tend to be perfectionists, we might strive as parents
to tone them down a little. Remind
them to take brakes and not let them push themselves.
Remind them that you as a parent are not perfect and that you have failed
and that it's ok for them to fail. Hopefully
they will balance themselves out as they grow up and not be an
ultra-perfectionist with problems associated with that characteristic.
Middle children simply need to be reminded that they are special and
unique. Though it's true that they
may have less pictures in the album and seem to receive less attention they must
be convinced that they are just as important and just as loved as their older
and younger sibling. Since they are not driven by perfectionism and since they
have lots of friends, they probably don't need as much help to find a happy
balance in their lives. Occasionally
they may need a nudge of motivation to push them along in the areas where their
unique talents are special.
The third child or baby, since he is usually spoiled, needs to be taught
responsibility. He certainly doesn't need extra attention, he usually gets
plenty. He does need a little more
structure in his lifestyle